>Be Daring
>You just said that
>Shutup and focus, brain
>You're trailing the paddy wagon that Anon's currently sitting in
>Boy does he look PISSED.
>At least they let him keep his basket, that was nice of them
>There's a colt officer in there with him
>mare guards pulling and walking beside the wagon
"Alright, alright..."
>"What's the plan?!"
"GAH!"
>You jump and wheel around, surprised at the pink menace that's snuck up on you
"Pinkie! Don't scare me l-I mean, don't startle me like that. You know we pones kick..."
>She smiles. "Right, right! So, what's the plan? How we gonna bust Anon out?"
"Bust hi- no, we just wait for them to drop him off in jail, then go in and post bail. I'm just here to make sure no other mares try to-"
>"YAAAAAAAAA"
>Fuckin. Why do you keep tempting the universe?
>You look up as a rainbow streak makes directly for the Ponice
>The sarge pone looks at the streak and does this weird flippy-kick thing
>*PING*
>Rainbow Hits the hoof of the Ponice pony and performs a graceful arc right down into a nearby lake
>"See? This is why we're taking you in.... for your own good." 
>Wait, what?
>"Don't  you get it, Daring? They're taking him in because he's been flaunting himself all around town, inciting a riot!"
"Wait, but he didn't-"
>"Doesn't matter! Stallions shouldn't tease."
"But pinkie, you know Derp-"
>"S'ides, I kinda want to see him chained up...."
>KINKY. But still, that's wrong.
>Don't get me wrong; chained colts are great, especially if they're given in offering to a certain zebrican fertility goddess
>But this is just wrong
>"So like I was saying, Dara, what are we gonna do?"

>The two of you follow the wagon in relative silence
>On the way you pick up Marshmellow Gossip and Book Pone
>The four of you discuss the awesome, totally marely battle you just had in the middle of town
>As well as catch glimpses of Anon
>He's still pissed. But it looks like he's at least winning over the colt that's with him
>You better be taking good care of that boy
>Oh hey Ponice station
>You look at the blue brick station - well, that's generous to call it such. In a town as small as this, it's more like a "reconverted house" with the word "Ponice" painted on the side.
>Works as good as anything, you suppose. 
>The wagon pulls around to the back, and the four of you walk right in
>Nopony here
>You take a seat in the lobby, looking around
>You glance at the reading material
>Highlights magazine from 8 years ago
>Why are you not surprised?
>Finally a mare comes to the front
>"Oh! Your Majesty, what do we owe the honor?"
>That's right! You've got royalty in your corner! Damn, why didn't you just tell her to arrest the other herd?
>"Well, officer, we're here to pickup and post bond for the colt you just arrested. He's new to Equestria, you see, and he-"
>The ponice officer shakes her head. "Sorry, we can't do that just yet. He has to go through processing, that sort of thing. You can get him after, though."
>Twilight nods, intimately understanding paperwork
"But that makes no sense! None of this does!"
>Everypony turns to look at you
"Think about it! I mean, WE were the ones fighting! If anything, he should be free and we sho-"
>"Wait, you were involved in that?" The mare asks
>What kind of Ponice force is this
>"Uh, yes, is that a problem dear?" Rarity asks
>"Well, if it's an issue regarding royalty, we have to pass it up to the crown, so he won't be released until another royal comes dow..."
>You tune it out
>Your white-knighting just got Anon pushed from a 4 hour stay to a who-knows-how-long stay
>You facehoof

>You stand vigil outside the Ponice station
>Every so often the guard around you changes - sometimes Dash stays for a bit, sometimes it's Applejack. You don't really pay attention, and they don't try to talk.
>The bench is comfy enough, so whatever
>In an effort to expedite things, Twilight offered Spike's services to speed up the royal notification
>A few minutes after they go in you see a whisp of smoke trail out the window, towards the general direction of Canterlot
>You exhale a breath you didn't know you were holding
>I'm so sorry, Anon
>Heart? What're you doing here?
>Just rubbin' in some hoof-made guilt. You?
>Pondering life choices. S'good.
>"Hey."
>You look up at Twilight, a sleeping Spike resting on her back
>"Let's get you back home, eh? We never really did... discuss our notes, if I'm remembering right."
>You laugh
>Of all the fucking things to say at a time like this
"You realize most of it is just hypothesis and smut, right?"
>She joins your laugh, shrugging a bit. "Fine, then let's go home and read some horrible porn."
>Now this is a princess you can get behind!
>You stand up and stretch, working the kinks out of your back
"So how is he?"
>Twilight sighs. "At first, he was pissed. Still is, pretty much. But I assured him that the Crown would refund him all his bits he spent at the market today, plus a little extra for his inconvenience."
"Can't you just, I dunno, bust him out with a decree or something?"
>Twilight shakes her head. "Apparently not. I checked that - agreed laws stay on the books until a majority princess ruling against them. It's a check and bala-"
>You wave your hoof at her, and she stops, giggling
>"Sorry. Law can be fun and interesting, yanno!"
"And I am certain you are the first sentient being to ever say that sentence and mean it, ever."
>She smiles
>You return it
>"Still. I don't blame you for what happened - neither does Anon."
"Wait, you TOLD HIM I CAUSED HIM TO ST-"
>Now it's her turn to interrupt you with a hoof

>"First, he deserves the truth, don't you think?"
>You grumble your agreement
"Just hope you didn't toss me under the chariot."
>Twilight shakes her head. "If you didn't say it, I probably would have. Honestly, I had to research that law once the Ponice told us that..."
>You both sigh
>"Anyway. He's not mad - he's taking it very well. Of course, knowing stallions, we're never going to hear the end of it-"
>You laugh and nod
>"-but we can make that up to him later. Maybe another Pinkie Party, or-"
>"I'M READY!"
>You and Twilight cry out as Pinkie just...materializes infront of you!
>No, seriously, she just appeared
>"Pinkie! How many time hav-"
>"Yeah yeah, Twilight, we know. You don't explain your magic, I ain't gotta explain nothin either."
>"Pinkie, Magic is a science with fundame-"
>"TOPIC CHANGE! So, what's this about Anon?"
>Twilight gives out an exasperated groan
>You fill in Ponka on what's going on
>She nods, seemingly paying attention. Honestly, you don't know with this mare
>"So basically Nonny's gonna get a visit from a royal? So what's the big problem?"
"The problem!? Royals don't give a fuck about a lot of things, especially law breakers! Who knows what kind of impression they'll have on Anon!"
>Pinkie laughs. "Silly, you don't know Twilight!"
"How does that even matter?"
>"Yeah, I don't really-"
>"Twilight, seriously?" Pinkie looks at her flatly. "Your mentor is a princess, your old foalsitter is another who is married to your brother, and the third one owes you her life. How can this go wrong?"
>Oh.
>Twilight facehoofs. "-sometimes I just forget about all that..."
>You laugh. "Well Fuck, girls, this is great! Let's go home and get some dinner and pass out - by tomorrow all this will be sorted out then!"
>Pinkie enthusiastically agrees, and the three (plus a passed out spike, but he doesn't matter) of you are off for the castle!
>[spoiler] and drunken reading of poorly hoofwritten clop stories [/spoiler]

>BE ANON. AGAIN.
>Wow is this gonna be a regular thing?
>Possibly, if only to move the story along
>ok. What story is this?
>"Silence, criminal!"
"But I didn't-"
>You hear the crack of a whip
>"Oooh, I love the tough colts~" The first warden says, licking his lips
>"Mmm. He'll be almost as fun to break in as that appleoosan one~" the second one replies, standing waaaaay too close to the other dude
>You stand there in a cell - well, two. They kinda just removed the partition between the only two cells in the building - your basket of goods slowly rotting on one of the too-small desks
>You haven't been given "orders" to sit yet
>The two colts that have you at their mercy? The sadistic one is named Hard Time
>The other one is called Fudge Packer, and you just don't like how he looks at you
>"We need to check you for contriband!" Hard Time exclaims
"Hey now you frisked me for about 20 minutes on the ride here, wha-"
>"Shirt off, prisoner!" Fudge Packer says
"What? Th' fuck are you-"
>"Get the hose"
>"Oh I'll get his hose~"
>They giggle
>So this is hell. You died and are in hell.
>You hear the sound of heavy vinyl against stone and think against testing them
>Off your shirt goes
>Fudge Packer whistles
>Heh. Yeah you're gettin swole - work on a farm will do that. Plus, no fast food or soda, so...
>He motions for you to turn around
>Fuck you want a show? Fine, you jackass
>You turn and flex, showing your muscles rippling under your skin
>Plan A: They open the jail cell, you crack their skulls and head for the everfree
>Plan B: They open the jail cell, you tie them up with the bedsheets into a compromising position, alert the sarge, get new wardens
>You feel a spray of cold water hit you unexpectedly
"Hey, FUCK! STOP THAT!"
>Or, yanno. Plan C: Be dumb as fuck, tease them and give them eye candy

>Hard Time is just...licking the bars to your cell
>He's doing it and looking at you in a way that REALLY rustles your jimmies
>Fudge Packer is sitting belly-down on a stool, rocking it back and forth with his hips
>Damnit don't make eye contact don't make- FUCK
>He grins
>They demanded you take off your pants, but fuck that
>So they just kept hosing you down
>You stopped caring. Once you got used to it, it was basically no worse than being hit with a garden hose
>They realized you weren't crying or begging for it to stop, so they turned it off
>and for the past hour or so, this shit's been going on
>"Hey Hard Time"
>"Hmm?"
>"Think the princess will chain him to the wall like last time?"
>Fuck them there was no last time
>You look at the wall and... well there -are- screw holes...
>They giggle
>"Maybe, Fudge Packer. I especially love it when they're done questioning him and let us take over...interrogations..." he inhales sharply as he finds the keyhole for the cell and starts
>oh fuck he's tonguging it that's disgusting
>You shudder
>"Getting cold, Colt? You can always ask for us to warm you up~"
>You give them the bird
"Fu-"
>They suddenly look at you with shit-eating grins
>....they even took your favourite curse word from you
>Those bastards
>"Mmmmmm" Hard Time moans, and you actually hear the tumbling of the pins in the lock as he tongues the fuck out of them
>Oh wow that's disgusting
"Why not just use a key, you sick fuck?"
>"Well, sadly the sarge keeps all the keys on her person. Doesn't want anything to happen to us poor lil' stallions."
>Suddenly the clicking of the lock gets more ominous
>So if we're ever going to help you, we have to improvise..."
>*thunk thunk tick tick CLICK*
"Fuck."

>Be Anon
>Last and only Human of Equestria
>Apex fucking predator
>Scared shitless of two tiny marshmellow ponies
>You wave your basket at the two colts as they slowly advance
"Back! BACK YOU DEVILS"
>They laugh - it's not a nice sound
>"Go ahead and complain as loud as you want - not like anypony can hear you in here..."
>Fuck did they PLAN this from the beginning?
>They look at each other and grin in unison
>"I call Right!"
>"I call Left!"
>A Pincer attack!
>You slam your back against the wall and pull out a bottle of wine, readying it with one hand
>The other you hold your basket, hefting it's weight
>You ain't gonna give up your black cherry without a-
>THEY MOVE
>ALL SYSTEMS ON HIGH ALERT
>You crouch slightly and wait for them to come into....range...
>You can't
>they're fucking with you
>Both of them scrabble as quick as they can to the two beds in your double-cell
>And start bouncing on them
>You...just kinda freeze there, waiting for the other shoe to drop
>Don't put down your gua-
>"I'm gonna win, Hard Time~" Fudge Packer says as he grips a pillow with his teeth
>"Nuh-uh! You're gonna go down~" Hard Time says, thick with innuendo
>They charge at each other, pillows at the ready
>Are you
>Are they... a jail-house pillow fight
>Are you in a softcore porn?
>You stand/crouch there, back against the wall, bottle ready to cave in a skull, dripping wet
>As the two wardens start smacking the shit out of each other with big fluffy down pillows
>Feathers going everywhere
>What
"What."
>"That is what I would like to know, human."